My name is Denise. I am 49 years old. Born one of three girls to my parents and each child very different in personality. I am someone who has struggled with their identity their whole life…could it be the middle child syndrome? Is it because I’m more like my Auntie than my own Mother? My insecurities came with me through school, when I met my husband, they came to the altar. They come with me as a Mother and they will continue to be with me until the day I die. But nearing 50 has made me reflect and this week for the first time in my life I realised I have accomplished alot, even if my self-esteem doesn’t believe it.
I have been married for 24 years. My realisation that I am reaching my 25th Silver Wedding Anniversary is an accomplishment. I’m a mother of three boys – my eldest is 22 years old and just graduated university (an accomplishment for a shy boy, and I’ll admit he needed a push all the way). My ‘middle child’ is 20 years old and has Asperger’s syndrome (gifted in computing with social anxiety, at home right now but I’m helping him focus on a ‘purpose’ for his future). My youngest is 10 years old and possibly another Asperger’s boy, he’s another amazing accomplishment in my life: As well as being a computer genius, he has been gifted with honesty – whether that’s to tell me he loves me, that I’m fat, that my breath smells (he’ll say it like that even if it’s chewing gum, I now realise, after having a huge complex for years). It is to this child that I am grateful – for he has made me examine myself in a new light. He has given me hope to change my ways, encouraged me when I have lost a pound on the scales, when no one else in the house cares!
I sew aprons for small change; I run an Etsy shop with varying sucess. I love to link up with friends during the day for coffee, it’s my sanity line and keeps me happy.
So, it is…the background to why I am here today. Writing about ME – not much, just a glimmer right now, but it’s laced with hope and DREAMS to focus on ME, to like ME and to also change ME. After twenty two years of being a Mummy, I have realised I need to focus back on me…just a little.
TIME TO CHANGE
I am unhappy being 13 stone 5 lb (85kg), I have also been in the doctors with high blood pressure recently. I realise that only I can change my habits: My addiction to sugar and sugary carbohydrates has to stop. My stress eating has to stop. My comfort eating has to stop. My boredom eating has to stop. I’m proud of my family accomplishments…now to be proud of my weight loss accomplishments.
THE KETOGENIC DIET COMBINED WITH INTERMITTENT FASTING:
In the last three weeks I have embarked on the latest diet trend – A Ketogenic, intermittent fasting diet. It’s probably why I am here writing this blog. Already, after three weeks I am faltering. Yes, the cravings have arrived. The sneaky chocolate bar has crept back in to my cupboard. Hidden behind the stuffing mix that has sat on the top shelf for months. The sneaky glass of red wine on Saturday.
But hey! On a happy note, after my sneaky binging over the weekend…I plonk myself on the scales (mid way through this blog) to verify my failure, only to realise I have lost three pounds through the entire week! So at this moment – I start at 13 stone 2 lb (184 lb). Yipee! I’m pretty sure I fluctuate with water gain – hence my frustration with my weight loss so far. I’m perimenopausal, I have visceral fat, I retain water…the battle is very, very real. If I allow myself to get all negative about these things I will fail. I no longer want to fail at weight loss.
I hope to discover healthy eating and continue to lose weight. I pledge to start moving from sedentary to at least lightly active! I need to be gluten free, to be nightshade free (potatoes, peppers, chilli and many other culprits that make me ill). To eat for a healthy heart and mind. To find interesting recipes and actually cook them! To reach fifty gracefully! To search out anti-aging skin products that work (yeah, right).
Check back with me as I embark on my journey to revitalise myself and share the highs and lows with you.
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