The days of eating poorly are over for President Trump. Or are they?
Washington DC – The 2020 Presidential election cycle is in full swing. The Iowa caucus is soon. New Hampshire’s primary is only days away after that. Even though all eyes should be on the Democrats, President Trump is hogging all the limelight with his own impeachment and strangely enough his new diet.
White House insiders state Trump understands he can’t always be in clothes that hide his imperial sized girth. Andrew Canard is a longtime Trump aide. “The President knows he could stand to lose a few pounds. Mcdonalds and fast food have done more to him then the Democrats or the rule of law could ever do.”
After consulting with numerous nutritionists, the President decided to go with a keto diet.
Harvard Health Publishing describes the popular way to eat as:
The keto diet aims to force your body into using a different type of fuel. Instead of relying on sugar (glucose) that comes from carbohydrates (such as grains, legumes, vegetables, and fruits), the keto diet relies on ketone bodies, a type of fuel that the liver produces from stored fat.
“President Trump has strong opinions about women and their weight, and he loves to eat high-fat foods,” an anonymous source stated. “Once he found out he could eat tons of bacon and mayonnaise, well, he was all in.”
While many people report weight loss success with the meal plan, there are risks:
Nutrient deficiency. “If you’re not eating a wide variety of vegetables, fruits, and grains, you may be at risk for deficiencies in micronutrients, including selenium, magnesium, phosphorus, and vitamins B and C,” McManus says.
Liver problems. With so much fat to metabolize, the diet could make any existing liver conditions worse.
Kidney problems. The kidneys help metabolize protein, and McManus says the keto diet may overload them. (The current recommended intake for protein averages 46 grams per day for women, and 56 grams for men).
Constipation. The keto diet is low in fibrous foods like grains and legumes.
Fuzzy thinking and mood swings. “The brain needs sugar from healthy carbohydrates to function. Low-carb diets may cause confusion and irritability,” McManus says.
Advisors believe that any “fuzzy thinking” caused by malnutrition on the campaign trail will be hard to identify since all of Trump’s thinking is fuzzy. Some believe it will endear him even more to his evangelical base. “More angry and rambly sentences that trail off into blank stares will energize fundamentalists,” one GOP strategist said.
Medical News Today — which has to be a legit source of information because it has the words medical and news in its title — offers up a menu for someone on the plan:
Dinner: Garlic and herb buttered shrimp with zucchini noodles
However, President Trump is remaking keto into his own image. Just as he has remade the Republican Party into a bunch of pro-Russian fanboys, he’s putting the keto diet into overdrive.
“He’s eating fried butter. All. The. Time. Sometimes with gravy. Sometimes with mayo. Sometimes with gravy and mayo,” one source said.
Some Democrats are hoping Trump’s bizarre keto diet may save the Republic since everything else has failed.
In related news, President Trump narrowly survives an attack by an illegal alien.
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